A viral video showing an empty Bud Light vendor at Fenway Park in Boston did more than get a bunch of views on Twitter: It got Bud Light canceled from 4 Jersey St.
“Bud Light has been a partner here for going on 40 years,” said concessions supervisor Joe Barron, “the fans seemed to love them. Until they didn’t.”
In the video, you can see the workers at the Bud Light stand doing nothing while the other booths are hopping with people. Bud Light? That horrible brand couldn’t even lure anyone in for a companion pretzel.
“We’re thinking of going with Miller Lite, because Coors seems a bit weird, since they have their own park and all,” said Barron, “we also might just switch to Mich Light and hope the rubes don’t notice. Because let’s face it…they’re the only ones drinking that swill.”
The CEO of Anheuser Bush, Augustus Sandusky, issued a formal apology last week to the beer-drinking men of America, offering sincere words about the concerning state of affairs in the country.
“We had no idea they were so fragile,” said Sandusky, “one would think all the truck nuts and blade-style sunglasses would translate to something other than “poor oppressed American snowflake.”
The Belgian-to-English translation made the apology sound much harsher, as there isn’t a Norweigian word for “Cultist weirdos.” It doesn’t really matter. It would seem that the brand is finished. God Bless America.